Help is on the way....(from The Beatles, of course!)

I am a Huge Beatles fan.....let's repeat.....HUGE BEATLES FAN! Turn back the clocks to 1964. February 1st the band's super hit "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" rocks the charts at the number position. Almost time to celebrate 44 years of the British Invasion! I would have totally been one of those screaming teenagers in the crowd. In fact, my parents often tease me that I missed "my time" in life. For Christmas I received Help! from a very dear friend. It was a wonderful gift and even more so that she remembered how much I adore The Beatles. So excited! Our little girl will be exposed to so much music, but especially Paul, Ringo, John, and George and this is why I bought her a fabulous Bealtes t-shirt(the first of many I am sure!). Funny thing is that I had a cheesy idea- that I should have one too! So although I thought I would never succumb to the mommy and me concept my "little hippie chick" will totally rock her Yellow Submarine tee with me.

My Fish Bowl

Empty, awesome, bowl..........

Full, awesome bowl..............

A couple of weeks ago my family and I celebrated a tough day together. We decided we were going to make it a joyous occassion and not focus on the difficulty associated with our task. The weather was glorious and it was truly a gift because the days before and the day following was completely dreary and dark. We choose to commerate our day by painting pottery. Here is my creation. I love the ocean and all my time spent on it. There are such fond memories. It just seemed fitting for the day we spent together and who we celebrated. I love my bowl and what it signifies.

Attachment Issues

As we prepare to bring Mattine home I am starting to research attachment issues and how the process works. How am I going to get the point across to our friends and family that our child’s needs may be different from the "usual" situation? There could be a host of issues much different from what one might experience with a new baby in the house/family. There is an excellent attachment article at A4everFamily.org which is extremely helpful. So please if you are family, friends, etc… who have not had to deal with attachment issues or did not realize that we may be faced with this please read and take it in. Ask questions and when our child comes home remember that we are trying to do what is best for her. AND if you are one of the other adoptive parents reading this, add your own comments, ideas, etc… in the comments and let me know what worked or didn’t for your family! I would like to add that "we are covering our bases", if you will. Nothing is written in stone. We are going to be as flexible as possible. There may be no issue what so ever making the transition completely seamless. But we want to be prepared, regardless. We are going to take our lead from Mattine, for it is her whose whole life is changing.

Here is the list:

Dos & Don’ts for Family & Friends

Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.

2. Trust the mother’s instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to “normal” behavior.

3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.

4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.

5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby’s world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.

6. Tell the baby every time you see him what a good/loving/safe mommy he has.

7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child’s home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)

8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not “attached” can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents’ requests.

9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!

Don’t
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.

2. Underestimate a new mother’s instincts that something isn’t right.

3. Judge the mother’s parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

4. Make excuses for the child’s behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors “normal”. For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.

5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.

6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child’s experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.

7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn’t understand…after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.

8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.

9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.

10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

Pushing Buttons... I love this song

This song by Sia (the album is Some People Have Real Problems) just makes me happy. She is a blast. The video and her facial adventures are completely unexpected and wacky. Not to mention,I feel so normal when I watch her perform, who wouldn't? Just thought I would pass along a good vibe as we wait, and wait, and wait for approval.

On the Move Again!

Those of you who know me know that I don't just sit. I am very restless, always need to be doing something at all times. I couldn't be happier that we are in motion again, adoption wise. And off we go.... a new countdown began effective January 4th. The Adoption Unit from USCIS in Ho Chi Minh City has officially accepted our I-600, Petition to Classify Orphan As Immediate Relative. The office will take our petition and supporting evidence and make a determination as to whether our child qualifies as an orphan. In some cases, an administrative field inquiry or request of further evidence may be necessary to complete the examination. Most determinations will be completed within sixty days. They will notify us by mail when the determination is made. I think- in fact I am fairly certain they send an e-mail first. So, I am back to stalking my e-mail and adopting strange sleep patterns just in case the notice arrives at 3 am. Not that I needed to add anything to my ever-growing to-do-list but we are also having to re-do our home study and I-171H filing. Our expiration is just a tad too close to when we may be traveling (we are hoping for March) and I can't just can't stomach tempting fate. We are so close to the finish line and if we got called out of the game on a minor infraction I just wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

I also jumped another huge hurdle. I have had this project I just couldn't tackle the last few months. When we had our two amazing showers we requested that friends and families consider clothing donations for the orphanage in lieu of gifts for Mattine. The response was overwhelming. I ended up with a closet full of clothing (boys and girls ranging from newborn to 4T) not to mention the adorable outfits I had already purchased for Mattine which will now be a tad too small. So, with a lot of help from my sister, we sorted and packed the clothing up. Thank goodness she got right in there and went to town. Of course, we were "oohhing and aahhing" the entire time. I am by no means a "girly girl" but little girl's clothing just pulls at your heart strings. I think one or two of the snazzier outfits might have been snatched up? I saw my sister eyeing the ensembles for herself! Let's just say, if you see an amazing brown haired beauty sporting a orange onesie with a giraffe on the bottom you know who it is!

My New Year's Day fortune cookie said....

"You will travel to many places...."

Unreal. 2008. I can't believe it. Most importantly I can't imagine what this year will hold. Well, that was silly to say. I am hoping that at some point, and relatively early in the year, I end up holding my daughter. Anything else the year brings will be bonus. We received updated pictures last week. Our little munchkin is adorable. Her cheeks are still big and round and her eyes continue to sparkle. Not to mention how she can rocks out some serious old school striped pants like no other child I have ever seen before. Seriously, not too many would dare such a fashion statement and yet she does it calmly and confidently...chillin' as she curls her toes. Oh, the closet full of beautiful threads that await her.

I think I really nailed down some good New Year's resolutions. My list is a little longer than usual but I think I am up for the task. Being the accomplished list maker and task orientated freak that I am I am confident all will be well. And I have some time on my hands for the next couple of months so I was wondering if it counts if you knock them all out at the beginning of the year. Can you the take a hiatus the rest of the year?

Oh, and good news...Lost is due back on ABC Thursday, Jan 31st. Plan accordingly for the two hour extravaganza folks. I am a major fan, more like majorly addicted. Let me set the scene- the house needs to be silent, the lighting just right, and the phone ringer turned off. No talking. No kidding. No asking questions if you missed something. This house is hard core. I know, everything will change when she gets here. I can't wait! She will love Lost and her crazy mama.