General Update

I have made it a habit the last couple of weeks to hit the beach almost every day if not every day. It has been really good for me. It helps with clearing my head. Not to mention, I can listen to my i-pod as loud as I want and nobody knows the difference. I took this picture last Sunday and it just reminds me of how life ebbs and flows. Sometimes you are floating freely in the high tide and others you are stranded at low tide. It is just the path you are on. A friend recently sent an e-mail and reminded me that it is about enjoying the ride, not the end of the journey. I know that. It is posted on the side of my blog. But in this crazy process I had lost that. I am so glad she reminded me. It was like someone slapped me upside the head. Who doesn't occasionally need one of those? One of the girls on a group I participate in said it so profoundly this evening, "of all the things I have lost (in the adoption process), it's my mind I miss the most." That is exactly it. You get so close to the flame you forget to pull you hand back. That is why I am posting tonight. It is time to get back to the basics. Time to reclaim the life I had prior to the adoption. I know Mattine will come. And unfortunately nothing I can do will really speed that up. That is why I am going to focus of finding and enjoying the ride again!

And as a side note, those weren't my legs in the prior post. But thanks for the comments and e-mails admiring the shapeliness of "my" legs. I really want to take the credit but to my chagrin I can't. I am still suffering from my left-over Halloween snack-sized candy! Okay, not suffering but thoroughly enjoying!

So, I have to admit I haven't been a very good blogger lately. I guess I just feel like if I don't have anything compelling or earth-shattering in importance than maybe I shouldn't say anything at all. But I should write on the site. It is very cathartic for me not to mention I am sure I have a loyal following who are craving a new post. I apologize in advance for the erratic form this post will follow.

On the adoption front, which I am sure , is your primary concern- we have no news. Not much has changed, where in lies the issue. Due to the new immigration procedure when we receive approval prior to departure for Vietnam, there have been some serious and unfortunate delays. In the long run, the changes will be good for Vietnamese adoption and should end most of the corruption in the system. We unfortunately got swept up in the period of change. We are hopeful that our paperwork will be compiled and checked and translated and stamped and sent shortly and that perhaps by a miracle we may travel by March. Mattine would be eight months old. We can't get to her soon enough. That is why my heart aches. She deserves more. I am attaching two (1) (2) links of articles which recount some of the new changes, the difficulties, and the poor families stuck in the middle. I don't know what else to say.

My best friend is in the process of getting her new business off the ground. I am trying to create some hype here. All I can say is that she is a very talented and smart woman who I know will kick butt in this new endeavor of hers. I should have the splendid details together by next week. And I must say I am totally psyched for her.

Another friend of mine has built a site, Mannpill, which I think everyone should check out. WARNING! Now before you hit the link please let me advise you that the site is extremely sexist- thus, the name Mannpill. To quote the site, "Mannpill.com is a site dedicated to providing exciting and relevant content to men. We offer men open and candid opinions and advice, that is useful, practical and entertaining. Mannpill.com focuses on issues regarding sports, gadgets, entertainment, women, politics, style, pop culture and food." There is a little too much sports and female form for my taste but I applaud him on the undertaking and extreme success of the site to date. Some of the articles are very interesting and deserve a read especially if you know me and think I may have written one or two of them. Not that I did, but just in case. As for the sexism on the site, well- I say if you can't beat them at least know what they are saying about you. Knowledge is power, right ladies? Besides, I think most men really need all the help they can get!

It is still hot as hell here in Florida. Normally by now we have some sort of reprieve - but no such luck. The humidity has passed- at least most days are good hair days. But what I wouldn't give for some cool, crisp air. I think that would make it more believable that the holidays are approaching. This weekend is the boat parade so that should add to the festive mood. I will post pictures the beginning of next week.

I started the post with pictures of my puppies. You know regardless of what is going on in my life my two four-legged friends are always there with a wag of a tale and a cold nose. Clewiston and Jackson Brown always make me laugh. They are completely accepting regardless of my mood or attire. Even when I am late getting home they are happy to see me- no questions asked. They seem to want to climb up next to me on the couch when they know I need it the most. Their crazy antics occasionally have me slightly stressed but it is in all good fun. They are so simple and happy. Not a care in the world. I don't know what I would do without them.

Have a good night all and know that we are all in this big picture together.

Happy thought for the day...........

This to will pass.

When?

Happy Thanksgiving

A couple posts back I wrote about gratitude. I was preparing for Thanksgiving and reflecting on what the holiday means to me. Thanksgiving, actually this whole time of the year, is not one of my favorite holidays. I am a total Scrooge when it comes to Christmas and I feel like tomorrow is the start of the season's madness. I don't really want to digress on Christmas right now for I am saving that nugget of a post for December. I do, however, want to stress that even if I am not fond of this holiday I do value this holiday for two important reasons. First and foremost it is the coming together of friends and family. It is a day to sit and break bread with those we love and cherish. A day to be gentle with our words. A day to join hands around the table. A day to give. And that leads me into the second reason I like Thanksgiving. The day reminds me that there have been times in my life when someone helped me out. Even the most competent among us sometimes needs a hand from someone else. Tomorrow (for at least one day during the year) is a day when one should recognize, in John Donne's words that "no man is an island entire of itself". Some of what I have, I owe to other people. It reminds me to give something back -- even if it is to someone else. I realize Thanksgiving is an American holiday. Most of us can afford to purchase more food than our family could possibly eat. That is not the case, everywhere in the world. Chances are, that is not the case everywhere in your town or city. Get involved. Do something to give back to your community, your world- where ever that be. Start with this, FreeRice. While testing your vocabulary (I scored extraordinarily high- go figure?) you are also participating in the act of ending hunger. For each word you get get right, FreeRice donates ten grains of rice through the UN with the goal of reducing hunger. And we all need to increase our vocabulary- a word a day? Perhaps even greater is the investment your donated rice makes in hungry human beings, enabling them to function and be productive. Somewhere in the world, a person is eating rice that you helped provide. What are you waiting for?

Sunday afternoon with my shadow and Jackson....

Jackson hates getting a bath. So, strange that a lab wouldn't love the water. Our black lab, Clewiston, can't get enough of the water. That is why she is absent from all these pictures. She was having a ball with the hose. So, Jackson and I chilled waiting for the water excitement to come to a conclusion. Strangest thing, my shadow also came out to play. And one of our fruit trees is filled with orchids which happens to be blooming. It was a beautiful afternoon. No word on the adoption. Things are quiet. We are still waiting for the necessary paperwork to send our I-600. There is at least one batch of families ahead of us. I am working on the attribute of patience. Some days I have it conquered and others I am flattened by the lack of it. I am trying to get life back to some sense of normalcy, if that is even possible. It feels like we were so close to having Mattine home for the holidays. Next year for sure, I know. We had a fantastic baby shower (a second one) a couple of weeks ago. I promise I will get those photo's uploaded and share the perfect day. Right now I am side-tracked with so many thoughts of our daughter. I wonder how much she has grown? I wonder if she has a crib mate? I wonder what she looks at everyday. I hope that someone is holding her tight and telling her how spectacular she is. I hope she knows half way around the world we are thinking and dreaming of her. I hope she knows how blessed her parents are to have such a gift.

Here comes the sun.............

This beautiful rainbow was outside the door today as I left for work. It was actually a double rainbow which was amazing to see. The picture really doesn't do it justice. But, happy Friday anyway!

Gratitude

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."-Albert Schweitzer

A friend recently posted about Thanksgiving and it got me thinking about gratitude. What does it mean to me? In my humble opinion, gratitude is the state or feeling of being thankful for some action or some person. Occasionally, the sense of indebtedness accompanies the feeling of thankfulness but I am not addressing that feeling here. I am discussing the pure feeling of being thankful, being happy and content. The last year has been difficult and challenging for numerous reasons, and not all adoption related. During this time I have been surrounded by several individuals, family and friends, who have unselfishly offered their sense of humor, companionship, and wisdom to me. They offered small acts of kindness or they were gentle in their approach. Sometimes, the greatest gift they gave was to accept and understand that things were tough. No questions asked and no response from me required. I guess they saw that the light in me was dim and did what they could to fan the flame. For this, I say thank you.

When looking up gratitude on Wikipedia, the excerpt adds, "From a Buddhist point of view, the Pali word which we translate in English as gratitude is katannuta. The word katannuta consists of two parts: kata which means that which has been done, especially that which has been done to one, to oneself, and annuta which means knowing or recognising. So katannuta means knowing or recognizing what has been done to one, that is to say knowing and recognising what has been done to one for one's benefit. Hence the connotation of the Pali word is rather different from its English equivalent. The connotation of the English gratitude is rather more emotional (we feel gratitude, feel grateful, etc.) but the connotation of katannuta is rather more intellectual, more cognitive. It makes it clear that what we call gratitude involves an element of knowledge - knowledge of what has been done to us or for us for our benefit. If we do not know that something has benefited us, we will not feel gratitude."

I know and acknowledge what has been thoughtfully done for me. I know I have benefited from these acts of kindness. There is a quote by Buddha that says, "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." Isn't that funny? So, I guess I have another day! I am filled with gratitude.

Today.....was just ducky!

How many times today I was asked about our adoption?

Five.

How many times today I put a smile on my face when I didn't want to?

Three but I work with the public so it is part of my day. Some days it is more than that and somedays it is less.

How many times did I re-play a song (John Legend's Show Me) in my car as loud as possible?

Ten. (at least!!!!)

How much time I spent at the beach today?

15 minutes.....I wish I had stayed longer.


How many times today I felt grateful?

Lots.

How many time today I laughed at myself?

One. Way too embarrassing to tell but I wasn't the only person laughing at me.

How many Hershey bars I ate today?

A third of one. That is unheard for me. I think I may be feeling under the weather. One of my clients did mention there was a bug going around? I hope I am not sick.


How many times today I truly and honestly smiled?

Too many too count!


How many times today I wondered if my case worker would send us new pictures of our daughter unexpectedly?

All day.

Please read this .....

I don't usually post this often and I certainly do not make it a habit to use words of another to convey my feelings but I read this post about the current situation concerning adoption in Vietnam and I think it is well written and deserves a read. Here is the link to the article. I do not agree with all that is said but being that I have not been able to adequately put down in my own words either what the current situation is in Vietnam or how I feel about it I think this will more than suffice.

I wish I would have thought of this.......

I found this blog the other day and it has caused me a great deal of reflection. I am all about lists especially to-do lists. After watching the trailer for the book I had a feeling of validation, there are others like myself stuck in the world of the LIST. My lists keep me accountable for my thoughts and for my tasks. My lists keep me on track. Sometimes, they are simple errand reminders like "pick up dry cleaning", sometimes they are things like "write endearing note to dear friend", or reminding me to "go to the studio and work out" or even sometimes reminding me to "eat" or "sleep". It isn't that I would forget to do these items but I can be easily distracted. I can be thrown off course. I like my lists neat and orderly, like my life. Everything has a place. The lists will get re-written once there are considerable cross-throughs and items typically stay on the list until they are accomplished. Now, I do make exception to this last rule. If the thought or task has been on the list for a while and I just can't commit then the item is removed until I can. For instance, "cleaning my closet" was on the list for a really long time. I could not bring myself to the threshold of the mirrored sliding doors until recently. In that case, the item will be removed and filed in my little brain until my hands or brain can wrap around the task and own it placing it back on paper. Who needs a red, blinking panic button on their list of things to do? My list isn't always tasks, as I mentioned. There are random thoughts or ideas on the paper. Sometimes there are just words I like and want to make a part of my vocabulary. I occasionally write my lists cryptically. The best part of the lists is that I have looked back over older lists and not been able to make sense of them. Isn't that odd? There are days that I live and die by my list. Days that are judged by the accomplishment off the list. There are days I can't find my list and I have to write a new one. But most importantly there are even days I don't follow my list and that is okay. I also make these extensive travel itinerary lists, not just packing lists like the ordinary fellow. I, in painful detail, jot down the specifics of a trip we are about to make - the who, the what, the where. I think it my way of remembering and savoring the details. Sasha Cagen, the author of the book, To-Do List- From Buying Milk To Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us, sat with friends and they collectively wrote their five year list. They wrote the list for themselves and for each other. What would be on your list? What is on your list for today? What does that say about you?

Think before you jump.....

A couple of years ago we traveled to Costa Rica and on one of our excursions I learned a VERY important lesson- think before you jump. We had spent the morning full- throttle four-wheeling the back roads of a small town covered in mud and splashing puddles. The scenery was beautiful and about to get even more spectacular. Our guide led us on a climb to a remote waterfall and once we reached the top he said, "Okay, let's jump!" Are you familiar with the screeching stop noise that happens in comic movies when things are proceeding fabulously and all of a sudden the character realizes the situation in front of him- insert me. Small important detail.... I am deathly afraid of heights. Now, those close to me know that I try to fight this fear every chance I get and that I usually need some time to process the "leap" in front of me. Given time I never walk from the challenge even if it means my eyes are closed. One last thing to rememeber, I would never consider jumping off a perfectly stable rock clinging to rope in order to cool down in the water but since that was what was asked of me- I went for it. Why not? But, I should have stayed to hear the instructions? Because then I would have understood that one should hold onto the knotted section of the rope before completely endangering one's life over the rocks below. Needless to say, I un-gracefully SLID down the rope hitting every knot with my now warped hand, just clearing the rocky landscape beneath me and keenly let go one I recovered my wits and decided I was better off without the rope. Have I mentioned yet that my middle finger was strangely crooked and dis-located? Well, did I also mention that my husband, who is always the optimist, the hall-full glass man, was with me? He said, "Oh, it's fine. You will survive. Nothing to do for a broken finger than to just let it heal." No sympathy, nada, none. So, we continued our day back roading around Costa Rica, right hand on the throttle. We later found a popsicle stick and taped up the finger and poured some rum to ease the pain. The next day with nasty finger and all, I completed the last of our aerial challenges and soared through the trees on a canopy tour. The reason for this tirade, looking back one should always think before you jump. And the pain in my finger reminds me constantly (especially on rainy days) that one should try their best to fully access the situation before they leap forward. At least make sure you understand the instructions and if you just jump- keep that faith that it will work out in the end. I did hit the water, so that was good!