Leaving on a Jet Plane!

Well, the time has finally come for us to pick up Mattine. I can't believe it. We leave Saturday for Vietnam and plan on having our G&R on Monday. We are estatic. And a little behind the eight ball, but it will all get done. We are moving over to Wordpress, it will allow me to password posts if the need arises. Thank you for your kind comments and wonderful support throughout this process. Please join us on the next leg of our journey. You will find us over at Tales From Mattine's World. With love, peace and light I bid you farewell.

I am crushed....

I read this today on MSN..... This is one place I have always wanted to go!

Fans of these mouthwatering chocolate kisses can nibble on the story of Milton Hershey and his candy empire at the Hershey Museum just outside of Harrisburg, Pa. Chocoholics of every stripe need to hurry though, because the Hershey Museum will close forever on Sept. 1 and be replaced in December by The Hershey Story, a more elaborate museum with a hands-on chocolate “lab.”

Maybe after we got the munchkin home, this will be one of her first U.S. excursions. I have every intention of teaching her all about the love of chocolate and what good it does for the soul. Nothing makes me happier than a a good old fashioned chocolate bar, at least a small square a day. Luscious goodness!

This Caught My Eye Today... maybe a sign?

"However Motherhood Comes to You, It is a Miracle"
Valerie Harper

The Prickly Pear, check it out!

My best friend began her first entrepreneurial endeavor, an embroidery business. She is a a stay at home mom with two beautiful children who went out on a limb and purchased an embroidery machine. Self-taught, she is really making a name for herself. I wanted to introduce the Prickly Pear to all my "adoption" friends. The best thing we can do is support those in our life especially those doing it on their own.

By the way, we passed another milestone...

Yesterday was day nintey under the Orphans First program. It has been three months since we received our acknowledgment or receipt. The status of our investigation is that it is being "blocked". Mattine also passes another milestone next week, another month older. I am very hopeful for good news in the next couple of weeks. I know I keep saying that but seriously- one of these times it has to happen, right!

Sign of the Times

April, 2008 celebrates the 50th anniversary of the peace sign. It is the one sign recognized around the globe regardless of one’s race or religion transcending all differences. The symbol unites us all. Interestingly enough, each passing decade adopts the power of the sign and the appeal continue to grow. The cultural phenomenon’s golden birthday is commerated by National Geographic who is publishing a tribute to the world-famous pictogram.

Peace activists began using the symbol in 1958 while protesting the testing and stockpiling of nuclear weapons. Gerald Holtorn, a textile designer, created the symbol by combining the semaphore letters of N and D, referencing nuclear disarmament. To this day, the symbol has been easy to remember and reproduce. It is an icon which appears on clothing, flags and the armband of many different cultural movements such as the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights movement, various environmental causes, women’s and gay rights movements, and two Iraqi wars. If one is challenging the need for social change then what better universal sign to use?

In a day and age where religion is a loaded subject, it is refreshing to see volatile conversations tempered by a secular symbol. The answer, the simple sign of peace, stands for good. It reminds one to be kind to their neighbors. It teaches one to care for animals. The sign explains that there are no answers in violence and fighting; only more questions. Ultimately, the cultural representation has allowed citizens of the world to march under one sign, to wear one easily recognizable symbol, and to even display commentary during times of war and combat. What beauty queen when asked what she would want for the world hasn’t responded,”world peace”. And can one really blame her? Perhaps, she had it more together than one gave her credit for. Do something peaceful today and watch the wave of goodness return to you.

The Glass Half Full

A friend passed this along to me recently. It was an e-mail about a man named John. And I think the story resonates with us all, especially those going through trying times.

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be this positive all the time. How do you do it?” He replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or… or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.” I protested, “Yeah, right, it’s not that easy.” He replied, “Yes, it is. Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how to react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be a good mood or a bad mood. The bottom line is that it’s your choice how you live your life.” I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the tower business.

We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communication tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?” I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. He replied, “the first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon- to be- daughter. Then, as I lay on the ground I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could live to die. I chose to live.” I asked, “Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” He continued, “…. The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’ and I knew I needed to take action.” I responded by asking, “What did you do?” John answered, “Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me. She asked if I was allergic to anything and I replied ‘Yes’. The doctors and nurse stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled ‘gravity’. Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead’.”

He lived and thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude is everything, after all. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Choose to live today.

Not really much of an update

So, I haven't really had any news to share. Things are status quo and the days pass with little or no news. This journey has really tested my patience and given me a new perspective on many issues. I guess some things just can't be rushed regardless of how badly we want them. I know there will be light at the end of tunnel, I am just hoping it isn't an oncoming speeding train. Most of my adoption comrades have already posted the following information but if you are curious and need information on what the delay is all about please look here. In addition, there is a petition advocating change to the new "stream-lined" process?

We had company last week and it was like visiting with a dear friend I hadn't seen in a very long time. My new friend totally rocks. We had beautiful weather, lots of beach time, plenty of wheat grass juice (mmmmm!), painted pottery with huge chalices of "Mondovi?" (did the girl really pronounce it that way?), hot spicy pho, spent a fantastic morning on the water on the boat and just generally enjoyed each other's company. I truly hope the next time we see each other we are meeting each other in an airport to pick up our daughters.

Happy Easter! I love chocolate and there was no way I could have given it up this year for Lent. I have in prior years but with all the stress of the adoption, I knew I would be doomed to fail. Surprisingly I have stayed away from the Easter sweets. I love Cadbury Creme Eggs, well just the fake egg filling (I throw the chocolate shell away-I don't like Cadbury chocolate... I am kinda picky) and I can't believe that I haven't had one yet. Anyway, I gave up ice cream and I am so looking forward to Sunday. I already have the day planned and the menu laid out. Oh, here I come Pralines and Cream, S'mores, and Double Fudge Chunk!

This is as good as it gets..... for now but I am feeling an upswing after my huge spoonful of yummy ice cream on Sunday morning! Peace and love and of course the cold stuff!

A Follow-up to The Last Post

No news is bad news...... or at least challenging news. In this amazing and tumultuous journey to our daughter we have hit yet another road block. I am so tired of these solid brick walls and I apologize for the obvious comment and easy target. I usually try and be a little more poignant and clever in my references but I am honestly too tired for such nonsense. I just can't help the cynical attitude. Tomorrow is a new day and I am hopeful I will change my mind. But, if you are in the Vietnam adoption world- you know what I am referring too and if you are a dear friend or family member then you know where we are and where our thoughts and heart is. I am still sending positive vibes out to the Universe and more importantly to our little one, Mattine, who unfortunately in this mess of a process is stuck on a cold bamboo mat. Still cynical! This is so unlike me but I think I have succumbed to this journey and for tonight is has claimed me as victim. I will be raring to fight tomorrow, I am sure.

On a lighter note, we have been blessed to run across another wonderful family in this process (shout out). My closest PAP is coming to visit us on Tuesday and is planning to stay with us until Friday. I am so excited and am really relieved to have some camaraderie here next week. I am not quite sure what we will do but I can say with the most positive of spirit that I couldn't ask for a stronger support system. This is such a small world we live in and the adoption community is even smaller. For most, this appears to be a easy process and transition- only those in the midst of confusion and love know the feelings and state of mind we are experiencing. It will be a relief to have "that" support system close and we want to thanks all those who play a part in our network of support. BTW, I am so ready to freak out and place that bubble gum pink streak in my hair. In fact, I am making the call tomorrow. Mattine would be proud of her momma sporting the pink! I will take a little peace from anything.

Relentless Sunshine (even though I don't feel like it!)

They say no news is good news but lately I am not thinking so. It seems there may some speed bumps ahead of us. I am trying to be optimistic but somedays I just want to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my head. Today is one of those days. What else do we have ....hmmmm, an adorably funny friend of mine sent a wickedly funny list, "The Rules of Life" , and I haven't been able to stop laughing especially since a lot of them hit home.

Here goes....

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think - they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin (I changed it to cupcake!) in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing - It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."

27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well - Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe we are good drivers.

36. No matter what, your mother loves you!

A Great Article To Educate

This article appeared in the NY Times this morning and references several families from our agency. Our thoughts and prayers continue with these families as they struggle with the beaucratic red tape that is now engulfing Vietnam adoptions. We are hopeful that the Tet celebrations and agency closures didn't delay us too much and are anxiously awaiting those in front of us to get approval. I am back to stalking the morning e-mail and wishing our day would come.

Here She Is.....

We received a fabulous surprise the other night... not really a surprise because I was so waiting by the computer for pictures to come each day. And when they finally came what amazing things I saw. First, Miss Mattine has grown so much. A little person is looking back at me. All of her mearurements fall into a mid-range percentile, so she appears to right on track growth wise. She is sitting up. All by her self, not even the slightest prop. That's my girl... alreadly Miss Independent. And she is still rockin the orange. On Monday we hit our 30 day mark in the new I-600 process so I guess we are half-way there in the waiting department. She turns seven months this week and I am hoping she doesn't have to go much past her eighth month mark without us. My mom thinks that at the rate she is growing and developing she will walk off the plane all by her self! Her little feet will hit American soil- that's for sure BUT I will be holding her hand as she does it. I can't wait to squeeze those cheeks!

Help is on the way....(from The Beatles, of course!)

I am a Huge Beatles fan.....let's repeat.....HUGE BEATLES FAN! Turn back the clocks to 1964. February 1st the band's super hit "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" rocks the charts at the number position. Almost time to celebrate 44 years of the British Invasion! I would have totally been one of those screaming teenagers in the crowd. In fact, my parents often tease me that I missed "my time" in life. For Christmas I received Help! from a very dear friend. It was a wonderful gift and even more so that she remembered how much I adore The Beatles. So excited! Our little girl will be exposed to so much music, but especially Paul, Ringo, John, and George and this is why I bought her a fabulous Bealtes t-shirt(the first of many I am sure!). Funny thing is that I had a cheesy idea- that I should have one too! So although I thought I would never succumb to the mommy and me concept my "little hippie chick" will totally rock her Yellow Submarine tee with me.

My Fish Bowl

Empty, awesome, bowl..........

Full, awesome bowl..............

A couple of weeks ago my family and I celebrated a tough day together. We decided we were going to make it a joyous occassion and not focus on the difficulty associated with our task. The weather was glorious and it was truly a gift because the days before and the day following was completely dreary and dark. We choose to commerate our day by painting pottery. Here is my creation. I love the ocean and all my time spent on it. There are such fond memories. It just seemed fitting for the day we spent together and who we celebrated. I love my bowl and what it signifies.

Attachment Issues

As we prepare to bring Mattine home I am starting to research attachment issues and how the process works. How am I going to get the point across to our friends and family that our child’s needs may be different from the "usual" situation? There could be a host of issues much different from what one might experience with a new baby in the house/family. There is an excellent attachment article at A4everFamily.org which is extremely helpful. So please if you are family, friends, etc… who have not had to deal with attachment issues or did not realize that we may be faced with this please read and take it in. Ask questions and when our child comes home remember that we are trying to do what is best for her. AND if you are one of the other adoptive parents reading this, add your own comments, ideas, etc… in the comments and let me know what worked or didn’t for your family! I would like to add that "we are covering our bases", if you will. Nothing is written in stone. We are going to be as flexible as possible. There may be no issue what so ever making the transition completely seamless. But we want to be prepared, regardless. We are going to take our lead from Mattine, for it is her whose whole life is changing.

Here is the list:

Dos & Don’ts for Family & Friends

Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.

2. Trust the mother’s instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to “normal” behavior.

3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.

4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.

5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby’s world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.

6. Tell the baby every time you see him what a good/loving/safe mommy he has.

7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child’s home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)

8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not “attached” can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents’ requests.

9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!

Don’t
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.

2. Underestimate a new mother’s instincts that something isn’t right.

3. Judge the mother’s parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.

4. Make excuses for the child’s behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors “normal”. For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.

5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.

6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child’s experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.

7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn’t understand…after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.

8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.

9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.

10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

Pushing Buttons... I love this song

This song by Sia (the album is Some People Have Real Problems) just makes me happy. She is a blast. The video and her facial adventures are completely unexpected and wacky. Not to mention,I feel so normal when I watch her perform, who wouldn't? Just thought I would pass along a good vibe as we wait, and wait, and wait for approval.

On the Move Again!

Those of you who know me know that I don't just sit. I am very restless, always need to be doing something at all times. I couldn't be happier that we are in motion again, adoption wise. And off we go.... a new countdown began effective January 4th. The Adoption Unit from USCIS in Ho Chi Minh City has officially accepted our I-600, Petition to Classify Orphan As Immediate Relative. The office will take our petition and supporting evidence and make a determination as to whether our child qualifies as an orphan. In some cases, an administrative field inquiry or request of further evidence may be necessary to complete the examination. Most determinations will be completed within sixty days. They will notify us by mail when the determination is made. I think- in fact I am fairly certain they send an e-mail first. So, I am back to stalking my e-mail and adopting strange sleep patterns just in case the notice arrives at 3 am. Not that I needed to add anything to my ever-growing to-do-list but we are also having to re-do our home study and I-171H filing. Our expiration is just a tad too close to when we may be traveling (we are hoping for March) and I can't just can't stomach tempting fate. We are so close to the finish line and if we got called out of the game on a minor infraction I just wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

I also jumped another huge hurdle. I have had this project I just couldn't tackle the last few months. When we had our two amazing showers we requested that friends and families consider clothing donations for the orphanage in lieu of gifts for Mattine. The response was overwhelming. I ended up with a closet full of clothing (boys and girls ranging from newborn to 4T) not to mention the adorable outfits I had already purchased for Mattine which will now be a tad too small. So, with a lot of help from my sister, we sorted and packed the clothing up. Thank goodness she got right in there and went to town. Of course, we were "oohhing and aahhing" the entire time. I am by no means a "girly girl" but little girl's clothing just pulls at your heart strings. I think one or two of the snazzier outfits might have been snatched up? I saw my sister eyeing the ensembles for herself! Let's just say, if you see an amazing brown haired beauty sporting a orange onesie with a giraffe on the bottom you know who it is!

My New Year's Day fortune cookie said....

"You will travel to many places...."

Unreal. 2008. I can't believe it. Most importantly I can't imagine what this year will hold. Well, that was silly to say. I am hoping that at some point, and relatively early in the year, I end up holding my daughter. Anything else the year brings will be bonus. We received updated pictures last week. Our little munchkin is adorable. Her cheeks are still big and round and her eyes continue to sparkle. Not to mention how she can rocks out some serious old school striped pants like no other child I have ever seen before. Seriously, not too many would dare such a fashion statement and yet she does it calmly and confidently...chillin' as she curls her toes. Oh, the closet full of beautiful threads that await her.

I think I really nailed down some good New Year's resolutions. My list is a little longer than usual but I think I am up for the task. Being the accomplished list maker and task orientated freak that I am I am confident all will be well. And I have some time on my hands for the next couple of months so I was wondering if it counts if you knock them all out at the beginning of the year. Can you the take a hiatus the rest of the year?

Oh, and good news...Lost is due back on ABC Thursday, Jan 31st. Plan accordingly for the two hour extravaganza folks. I am a major fan, more like majorly addicted. Let me set the scene- the house needs to be silent, the lighting just right, and the phone ringer turned off. No talking. No kidding. No asking questions if you missed something. This house is hard core. I know, everything will change when she gets here. I can't wait! She will love Lost and her crazy mama.