I have to admit...

I am a french fry toucher. I have a couple of food fetishes and one of my wackiest ones is that I always "feel" my french fries before I pop them in my mouth. I know this sounds strange. But I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulder by confessing this odd behaviour. Here's the deal: I don't like mushy anything especially french fries. I don't even like fried food but given the fact that the potato slivers are called "french FRY" it just insinuates crunchy, firm, solid, and slightly hollow. It does not mean, soggy, oily, moist, or flimsy. My test method is simple. Pointer finger gently presses the meatiest portion of the fry and waits to see the reaction of the cooked carb. This is a hard habit to break when out with friends who have yet to encounter the "touching" spectacle. And I must add that I won't start to man handle anyone else's fries, poking around on someone else's plate uninvited....unless of course we are on a first name basis and you are comfortable with the process. Needless to say, very few french fries actually pass the test and so it really isn't too much of a problem for my waistline. It's kinda it's own weird diet. My food issues don't stop with french fries. I don't eat bread. And this is not because of any "non-white" diet food item. I just don't like bread. Bread baskets at dinner do nothing for me except clutter the table. If I was going to eat bread it must not be soggy. That means that I have a time limit on when I can eat a sandwich if there were any condiments on it i.e. mayonnaise, oil and vinegar, mustard. I am always racing the clock and fighting the wetness factor of the bread. I get completely freaked out when foods unintentionally touch each other. It's not that I can't mix food but I have limits as to what can and the conditions must be appropriate. I especially have a problem if something salty touches something sweet. I don't like liquids from the meal to be on my plate. There have been occasions when I have had to wipe my plate free from liquid. If I totally hate the food on the plate it needs to be removed quickly. For instance, if they bring a pickle on the plate (I am a finicky pickle eater) then I need to place it on someone else's plate or at least a napkin if I am not going to eat it. I like my food either hot or cold but nowhere in between. When food is ready I believe it should be eaten, then with no delay. I don't gally-lag around the kitchen. I sit down and eat. I have no idea where all these strange issues came from. My parents are completely normal and did not instill this in me. I am very lucky that loved ones and friends understand and accept my odd food behavior. I am discreet with my food fetishes. I never make a scene or display bad behaviour in public. Most important and in terms of the future, I am hopeful that my daughter will not learn these bad habits from me. I know the cycle needs to be broken. I acknowledge that once Mattine arrives I will be so busy with her and our new life I will be elated to eat a soggy french fry. Hopefully it will be the match stick kind- much less chance of finding a flimsy fry!